


Goodbye For Now

by bucktiick



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: M/M, Military, Romance, Slow Burn, fansite au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 03:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucktiick/pseuds/bucktiick
Summary: 영웅재중.co.kr shuts down because of his military service and ends up meeting the man he’s photographed for 11 years during that time.His return as a fansite is put in jeopardy





	Goodbye For Now

**Author's Note:**

> the t/n and stuff in the beginning is fake.

_ T/N: I got a bunch of requests lately to translate this so I will. A lot of kfans and jfans are tweeting about it, and ifans are curious to know what U-know-nim’s letter says. There’s some inaccuracies (as always) and the letter is quite lengthy~  _

_ For those that don’t know, 영웅재중 is Jaejoong’s OG fansite, and he made waves when Jaejoong debuted because he was a male fansite master of a male artist. He got articles written about it too! And the fansite has been pretty big in korean/japanese fans for his dedication and the merchs he releases~ yadda yadda yadda. He talks about it in the letter. Enjoy! _

 

Hello, this is U-Know, the admin of 영웅재중.co.kr. Established December 25th, 2003. 

Today is a sad day. I have been supporting Jaejoong for 11 years so far. I wish I could continue this journey- but as you all know there is mandatory military service in Korea, which Jaejoong will be going into soon as well. And I can’t exactly take photos and follow Jaejoong’s schedules during this time, or do other things to support him.

 

And I’m being honest. I don’t know if I can continue this journey as a fansite admin after this time. I know its a just hiatus- many of my fansite friends have gone on them in the past and came back but just… It’s different..

 

I did not set out to be a fansite. I didn’t even set out to be with Jaejoong this long. I took photography for fun in high school, but never professionally. Have I ever told the story of how this all began? I will today.

 

I remember seeing his teaser photos for his debut. How the announcement of it all was on top of all the entertainment sites. How Jaejoong was going join the league of Kangta hyung and Heejun hyung as SM’s solo idol male singers. I don’t know what about it, but I felt.. Similar to him? He and I are less than a month apart, he’s hardly a hyung to me. He felt like a schoolmate or friend. I don’t know. I still don’t and I doubt I ever will. 

 

I was working at a convenience store at the time when this all happened, so I printed the ticket for his debut showcase quickly. And because I felt like a friend to him.. I wanted to help him get popular. I knew printed photos were popular with H.O.T (my sister owned so many…) so I bought a camera and decided to take it with me for his showcase, and maybe sell the photos later or just upload them.

 

Those photos were the first merchandise I ever sold, out of my tiny room in my parents’ house… handwriting the logo on the back. Signed U-know, dated December 26th 2003. I wish I had recorded it ( _ T/N: the showcase.. Not him writing logos _ ). Comparing those photos to the ones I take now.. Its insane LOL. The quality… and my hands were so shaky back then. I sincerely thank whoever bought those photographs.

 

I remember the showcase distantly… BoA was there and an american singer. The line outside too~ everyone in their winter coats, so excited. Lots of girls were shocked I was there, I kept lying saying I was there for BoA. I remember I was front row because I got my tickets so early, and I spent the whole time waiting to see Jaejoong in real life. If he looked like the photos.

 

He did.

 

He had a pretty voice of course too~ He sang lots of christmas carols. Lots of them were religious so it felt like church. There was an upbeat song too that ended up being released later, but I knew most of the lyrics to the carols so I sang along (not loudly..). There were media there too, with their large cameras. Those damn shutters are so annoying, but my camera is bigger than theirs now so I guess that’s how others feel about me haha. 

 

There was a long period of silence after that. Not really, because he was back in january. The upbeat song he sang at the showcase was released: ‘Hug’ and ‘My Little Princess’ (that wasn’t performed at the showcase I don’t think.)  It was nice, and it’s really obvious that he was catering to girls.

 

This is the first time I began following his schedule. It was right on the SMTown website.. So I just arrived earlier than he would and take his photo, under the same philosophy of making him popular with printed photographs. This is also when I was outed as a male fan of him. Thankfully, I wore a mask but.. It was weird. To see your eyes on articles connected to an idol… it’s embarrassing. The comments under those articles.. That’s how I began to grow a thicker skin.

 

Everyday I am thankful that I worse a mask, but everyday I fear that my identity will be revealed. But i continued taking Jaejoong’s photo anyway. 

 

I got a bigger and more expensive camera, and I kept on. SM was nice enough to update his schedule a week in advance. This is how Jaejoong slowly took over my life.

 

When I wasn’t buying his official merchandise, I was following Jaejoong’s schedules, and in between that I balanced my real life. Thankfully my university courses were forgiving enough that I was allowed time to follow Jaejoong. 

 

Being apart of Jaejoong’s success.. Seeing those crowds form outside his schedules.. Hearing the fanchants grow louder and louder. I was proud of my same age friend Kim Jaejoong ( _ T/N: there’s not really a natural term for this in English _ ), and I’m proud of him now.

 

Jaejoong released his first album that same year, and it goes as you would expect. Music shows, performances, buying the CF products, updating the camera, checking out new lenses. It all went the same way.. 

 

2004 came and went, along with Jaejoong’s first debut anniversary. There was Chuseok in between, too, but the debut anniversary stuck out a lot. There was a small party for fans (I went.. Of course hehe). And the company let us leave gifts, and I left some gift cards and things for stores and such he could use as he wanted, a plushy dog since he said he wanted one previously and a watch. I don’t think he opened any of them there. He looked cute, and he talked a lot. He remarked about his first showcase and how nervous he felt, but the company prepared him well and thanked some of the staffs. He talked about fans and how he felt happy that every time he seemed to perform, more and more of the seats would fill up. His manager came on too and told about how there was such a demand for fans to get into tapings that they allowed fans to stand in the aisles for see it, and the shows with standing sections were very, very full. It’s true, and seeing it in real life is crazy. Taking photos in the standing area sucked, that why I bought a zoom lense.  There were some other stories Jaejoong told, like the first time he got recognized at a store, after winning #1 on Music Camp in April, because his manager took him out for an ice cream to celebrate. There was also one when his mother called after his first win, he could barely hold the phone to his ear because she was yelling so loudly. A lot of fans cried, so Jaejoongie started crying too~

 

Jaejoong was quite for a little bit afterwards. He wrote Korean New Years wishes to fans in 2005, and then it was just CFs and some festivals from then on. He went quiet after that, and then his Japanese debut was announced. So you know what I did…

 

I went to Japan…

 

I was really dedicated to Jaejoong~ it’s so crazy.

 

But I got used to flying to Japan, and I think Jaejoong too. 

 

Korea is very, very different from japan. It was hard getting into recordings and other schedules, but thankfully some nice BigEast (they weren’t even called that then.. just Japanese fans) helped me understand it all and I became friends with many those days. I met so many wonderful fans, and in Japan it isn’t as rare to be a male fan of a male idol. Jaejoong’s early days in japan were very fun for me. I had a small little japanese phone and the tiniest, cheapest hotel you could imagine. I’d attend Jaejoong schedules in the day, whether it be a taping or music show or otherwise, and go join some of my Japanese fan friends there. They had an interest in learning korean, so we had a language exchange. They taught me Japanese and helped me attend Jaejoong (Jejung in japan haha) schedules, and I would teach them Korean and show them some korean magazines and things that were harder to get in Japan. I’m still friends with many of these fans today. 

 

Just like in Korea, Jaejoong’s popularity began to grow in japan too- very, very slowly. At first, it was only a few fans including myself that gathered for Jaejoong’s arrival to his schedules, and slowly that number grew a few at a time. I still feel proud that I was there to witness it all. 

 

After Jaejoong’s debut in Japan, things picked up the pace very quickly. My life became very much revolves around Jaejoong and his schedules, finding the time to photograph him. I am okay with that, it’s just the change in pace happened very suddenly and very quickly. Jaejoong’s fame had incubated during his promotions in japan, so there was a big explosion in new fans for his Korean promotions. It was nice, but quite annoying from the fansite perspective. 

 

One thing that disrupts a photo is something blocking the view. You know what blocks the view? Hands. Bodies. Slogans. Other things. I can’t take a good photo with all that in my way. How do I get around that? I have to arrive earlier, and earlier, and earlier to schedules. Jaejoong usually arrived one hour before his scheduled appearance though the music show prerecordings are at annoying, unpredictable times. If his activity was scheduled to begin at 3pm, he would get there at 2pm. I would arrive at 1:40pm so there is leeway in case he got there earlier, and I would have time to set up in terms of where I wanted to stand and where I thought I could get the best shots. Most fans were considerate of this, some I frequently ran into had bought my photos before, so this was easier. 

 

With the newer fans, not so much. I started having to arrive up to an hour earlier just to secure a spot in the front with no obstructions. God, was it time consuming. But at least I wasn’t alone, because more fansites began showing up. That’s where I picked up the tip to use a latter instead, and stand in the back. So that solved some of my problems. 

 

New camera upgrades come out every so often, and sometimes I need those to take better photographs- so that’s how the merchandise you all know and love and I’m known for cams to be. Some fans were unsatisfied with the calendar that came out that year officially, so I made my own. It sold out quite quickly and it became true buzz of the media that fans were creating their own merchandise like that. There’s a funny story connected to this that I only found out through an interview that same year. 

 

One of the staff Jaejoong works with actually bought one (I don’t know who) because Jaejoong wanted to see it and what photos were included. That’s why I send a good couple dozen copies to SM every time I release a new merchandise, so Jaejoong can see it and some of his staffs can enjoy it as well. 

 

The response to my merchandise, especially from fans after that interview, was spectacular. Fans were always cautiously waiting for me, and I’m forever grateful for that.

 

So on an on and on, Jaejoong’s second album and first tour came, and I attended all the dates of course. And I learned quite a bit over that tour and improved immensely. I also moved out of printed individual photographs, and real photobooks. I would run into legal trouble for titling it specifically, but I release a photobook of entirely photos from the first tour. I received many emails from all over Korea thanking me for taking these photos, that fans were thankful because it felt like they attended the concert themselves. This is the one merchandise I did not send to Jaejoong, because I was scared of legal trouble for taking those photos.

 

And after the Korean tour, there was another Japanese album and the promotions that occompany that. I met up with my Japanese fan friends again and that ran its course as usual. This was the happiest time of the japanese promotions.

 

Shortly after, the first Japanese tour began. Thankfully traveling within Japan wasn’t that expensive, though the distance between venues was quite large. This is when Japanese promotions became quite somber and honestly- sad. 

 

Jaejoong was- and still is- a strong performer. His setlist was interesting yet challenging, how he just danced and danced to these upbeat songs like he would never stop, and then sing emotional ballads right after without missing a note. But this is not the sad part of this all.

 

For the first few stops, it was small performing art halls and slowly growing bigger in size. But we’re getting to the sad part now~ this is famous among fans. I’ll tell you all now.

 

Jaejoong would perform his designated time, then at the end, before he went home for the day, he would speak to us fans. His Japanese wasn’t nearly as good as it is these days, so he spoke in Korean and then a translator would try and catch up. Though honestly, you see his raw emotions in Korean. The japanese translation was never quite right. 

 

He told a lot of his preparations for his japanese debut, and how he struggled to learn the language. His Japanese teacher constantly told him of the dangers of mispronouncing syllables, of not writing the right Kanji, the importance of the verb endings and other things. His teacher would wake him up before his korean schedules, drilling him in Japanese and expecting him to answer.

 

Once his Japanese was good enough, he began recording songs. It was difficult singing in Japanese for him, and he also had to sing these songs as often as possible. Soon he was put in a dorm in Japan, and released the first single and proceeded to promoting it. At first he was happy, because he saw many familiar Korean fans in the audience and waiting for him, and ecstatic that he was gaining Japanese fans as well. He continued on and on, until he go to the famous part of this story.

 

Rehearsals for his first japanese tour came shortly after the end of his first Korean one, and the first show came sooner than he thought it would. He had taken all the promotional photos and things, but he didn’t expect the first show. He was fearful of it even..

 

His manager told him backstage at the first show, to lower his expectations. He probably won’t have that many fans, he should expect to see empty seats. It was only 2500 seats at that theatre, but when the lights came on and he was on stage-

 

He couldn’t help himself. He looked into the crowd. He was always told to wait a few seconds to till he did so, but he looked up almost immediately anyway. The theatre was full. He still had to perform, so it’s not like he could just cry right there, but he was so full of love in that moment, and the cheers of fans motivated him to perform the hardest he ever had. He cried lots during this part when he told us, and we all began to cry too.

 

I don’t know how the theatre wasn’t to the brim in tears, because everyone around me was crying.

 

This story was told at almost every concert, and the very final date was different. That one has been shared many times so I wont type it again. 

 

My life as a fan, for the next 5 years remained very much the same. I would attend his schedules, take his photo, design merchandise, put it into production, and repeat. Sometimes I’d travel to Japan, and do the same thing there. Go debut anniversary gift shopping, go birthday shopping, organize support projects, organize album group orders. 

 

Of course there was more going on my side of things.

 

Following Jaejoong’s schedules is time consuming. I have to sit in those uncomfortable studio chairs for 2 hours on the viewable radio, then make it to the next schedule in time. 

 

The overseas schedules also got to me as well. I was always left tired from flying, but I followed Jaejoong’s schedule to get the photos I needed. 

 

As Jaejoong’s popularity grew and grew, he got busier, I got busier. I wanted to give up, many times. I was tired, I was bored, I was uncomfortable. His schedule became packed and I became fatigued following them all.

 

But I didn’t, and that is thanks to the many many people that support me as Jaejoong’s fansite. Even today I receive emails and tweets and such, from people thanking me for being so dedicated to Jaejoong. My favorites are from fans who can’t afford tickets many times to these concerts or didn’t get tickets for other reasons, so they feel like they attended the shows themselves with my photobooks.

 

It makes me happy that I have supported both Jaejoong and my fellow fans for this long. I hope you all continue to appreciate the hard work Jaejoong puts into his work, and create loving memories between yourself and the photographs I take of him. 

 

I hope that I succeed in connecting you to Jaejoong. 

 

I hope that I succeeded in my original wish of cultivating Jaejoong’s popularity and helping him grow. 

 

And.. I hope… that I can return to this fandom, Jaefans.. I can return to Jaejoong as 영웅재중 and support him after my hiatus. Wait for me, please.. And forgive me if I decide to set down my camera. 

 

The memories I have since this all began, the friendships I’ve formed… everything. It is not something I can simply forget. I will always remember the kind words Jaefans offered me when needed. The compliments I received. The smile on Jaejoong’s face when he received my gifts or witnessed our support projects. I won’t forget, ever. 

 

Goodbye for now. This is U-Know. Admin of 영웅재중.co.kr. Established December 25th, 2003. Supporting Kim Jaejoong always, by his side.

 


End file.
